But what’s the reason to think longer about this. I want to survive, I must profit from this feeble he has for me. My whole life is like this. I was very sensible. Oldest son. Uncle John was always drunk and treated like a outsider. But I was so sensible, or maybe only dreamy as they said, I felt myself as an outsider. All others in my family were much more down to earth. My father was cobbler, quite considered in our little town. I had a younger brother who was more to the liking of him. I couldn't come to like this art of cobblership. My father all the time made fun of my clumsiness. But my Uncle John understood and I took to him. Soon I confided in him. I longed for his tenderness. But he used of me and soon they found out and I was so punished As for my father I heard he had sworn to kill me when he realised I liked Jack and if John hadn't been in-between I would be dead buried somewhere in the dust of a cross road. And the priest who chased me out of the church as I tried to get comfort in my position as chased deer, wanted to pray to the mother of us all. She must be our all mother, she liked Jesus who also liked St John. Then my brother told me, with pleasure, that there were lots of rumours going around about me. That they were looking for me to be punished for I was with the devil. I couldn't understand why it had to be. But I did not want to burn on a stake as the hunchback Lisa had been last winter. I shuddered thinking of it. at I ran away from home. In the countryside they gave me to eat, in the hidden, allowed me to sleep with the cows in their warmth. With bitterness I remembered the days when uncle John took me by my arms and carried me to his bed in the hut behind our house and stuck his prick in me while I had to endure his sour smelling breath. I remember this terrible night and will never forget it. But in a way I liked it and sought to experience the same feeling again. I had tried to seduce several boys I was playing with on the street and which attracted me because of their beauty. After some strolling along in the countryside I entered the small town of Nurnberg. And there I encountered Nicolas. I was at once attracted to him! He was always thoughtful. But he emanated such a happiness, such a friendliness. I had always experienced people as dull, morose and nervous. And he was completely different. He told me of a dream he had had, archangel Michael urging him to deliver Jerusalem of the heretics. We had nothing to loose here why not going to the heretics. We were hiding before everybody. Nicolas was such a nice figure, looking like an Angel. I persuaded him to speak to the others as we thought there must be lots who were in the same situation and thought the same as we. There had been a great famine as the summer had been bad. So he began preaching, he spoke on the market place, as long as the church men did not realise what spirit he emanated. Usually after a certain time they realised it and called the police or military to chase us away. Because he spoke like an Angel, too. We were soon a whole bunch looking out for some holy adventure. And lots of unhappy old men and women also joined us. We gathered and soon were compelled to flee from the town, got in motion towards the south. Nicolas was persuaded God would open the sea like he had done for the Hebrews, so we could cross the seas. But around the Tyrol I got ill and couldn't continue. An old woman looked after me. And Nicolas left me with a sore heart. I sensed the same. But I had persuaded him to do it. We had more chance to subsist each on his own than together. Together we always inspired lots of fear to the villagers. In the village the old woman was considered a witch and I with my red hair fell into the same category.
The attack of the Knight and his warriors The church bells are ringing like mad. The moaning of the cows, the curses of the terrible looking warriors, the bloating of the sheep. Everywhere the crackling from the heat of the fires, everything is in flames. In the midth of the night I awaken and realise that a terrible thing was happening, we were in peril of live. I had chased the cow in the open, where it was less dangerous for them. Uncle John lay there with his throat split, on his back, his hands outstretched as if he had wanted to keep of evil, his legs wide open and his thing, such a terrible thing, cut off and laying in his blood. I had wanted to run away, chase the cows and geese through the narrow passage out in the open and hide myself. Then he had been upon me, breathing of wine, and I just could duck down, huddle down protecting my fragile body with hands and legs. But his rough hands seized me and forced me to stand on the feet, I felt his dagger at my throat, felt it as his hand tore down my pants, and soon felt his buckle at my buttocks. I turned my head and looked into his eyes. Grey blue and hard they were. And suddenly his eyes got wet, turned away and left me. I tried to wriggle myself away. But got not far. Soon I felt his steps behind me, a rope was slung around me and I was heaved like flour sack on some shoulders. Somebody shouted some command to his warriors. I was flung like a bundle on the gurt of a horse. It ached everywhere while my body endured the blows of the galloping horse, I saw only the soil as my head dangled down the breast of the horse. Suddenly it stopped, the person threw my bound body down on the soil and dragged me on the moist soil. Into a hole smelling of earth, damp and moist. I thought it must be a cavern. Before, I had seen from what I could see with my banded eyes, that far away there was a small lighted band on the sky, the day was breaking. But here in the cavern it was pitch dark, cold and the water drizzled from the walls. I was taken just then and there. My hooded kidnapper and raptor just tore away the clothes, laid me on the side, and penetrated me, before coming he put his hard prick into my mouth where it came and i nearly choke. Then he gave me a blow with his sword on my head. I fainted. When I came back to me I was alone, bound in this damp cave, shivering, and thought I would let me die alone there in the damp moist. But the hooded person came back again, his hard callous hands caressed me everywhere and he kissed me. I didn't understand. He tended me some smelling hot drink. I thought it was poison and was swallowing it hoping I would be soon dead. I fainted. I don't know how long I remained without consciousness. I awakened laying on a straw mattress with my left buttock so hurting and smelling of hot flesh. I cried silently why he came again and muttered into my ears: "You can't ran away like my Babette, my sweet goatee, I have branded you as my slave, everybody will bring you back." I moaned and cried while he again tried to hurt me. But then I heard a shuffling outside the cavern. A loud voice cried. "I am certain it is you, Jack. My best warrior and far away from me, not assisting me in my fight against the evil.” And he laughed, bitterly. “What are you doing here, you scoundrel, Jack. Come out and fight with me. My raptor ran away, I heard the noise of shields thumping one upon the other, shouts, a loud terrible cry. Then everything was silent. Somebody came, bandaged my eyes again, lifted my body and carried me away. I couldn’t see him in the dark. He smelt like the knight who had raped me the first time, back by the hut. Again I fainted. I woke up in a high bed with a ceiling in a stone walled room. The bearded knight was bending over me. A woman cried:" Let him alone. Don't overdo it Koni." He recoiled. Muttering something in his beard he vanished. I heard them quarrelling in the other room. The old woman came back to me, tended my wound and gave me some tea to drink. I fell asleep. From that moment on the old woman was always around me. She kept the man off from me. But he brought me always some present, once some fine fruit, once a game when he had gone to a hunt. I got better, day after day. While I was awake the old woman sat on the edge of my bed and told me stories. She told me that she was the nanny of my master, the bearded man, who was the Knight of Ardez. I can't like him after what he did to me. But she tries to make him likeable to me. She told me that Knight Koni went back to the castle. He had had a vision while raping me. That was why he left me alone, so suddenly. Nobody knew why he had changed his moods so quickly. He retired in the highest room just under the roof. Wouldn't let everyone in. Not even his Nanny in whom he had trusted so much. He was in a terrible mood, sent one of his guardians down the stairs as they made some joke about the women he had raped. They had prepared his table, and on the spike some game he so much liked was turning. He left the room, but he not even stopped to smell. He just climbed on the terrace of the tower, climbed on the battlement and squatted there, looking in the direction of the cavern, not eating and drinking during three days and three nights. After three days he stood up and went down to the chapel. There, the chaplain kneeled before the altar of the benign Maria mother of our God and prayed for the well being of our master. The master went directly to him. He told him without any introduction that he had found somebody that was exactly like his former wife, Isabel from Hohenschwandenstein, who had left him and died a terribly dead, throwing herself down from a rock. Had the same big hazel nut brown eyes. Had looked at him exactly as Isabel had looked, lying there on the bank of the river, her members broken, just before away. He wanted the chaplain to bless his living together with me, Hendrik. Nothing more or less, just a little benediction. But the priest had got furious and had told him that he would be judged by the Lord, would be damned eternally, "I persist! I thought about this issue for now three days and three sleepless nights. There is no other issue possible. God wants me to love Hendrik as I loved my defunct wife. I sinned against Isabel, she did not love me and I did not really try to understand her to be able to love her. II forced her to love me. In future I will listen to the Lord's order, I will mend towards this boy what I omitted towards Isabel. Three days and three nights I quarrelled with my Lord. I had so much prayed to him that he give me a new love for my dear wife. And now he offered me a male lover. I did not want to accept that. I prayed, quarrelled with God. Finally the Lord told me that he accepts both kinds of love, Isabel and Hendrik were the same. My father, I am sure Hendrik loves me a bit. I love him as the Lord demands it from me. I will be so nice and good to him he will love me. " That was enough. No further comments were necessary. The priest recoiled and shrieked he did not want to go to hell. The knight simply dragged him to the main entrance of the castle, who is accessible by a wooden stair and gave him a kick in the arse, sending him three meters down below to the floor. Muttering curses the chaplain limped away, directly to the court of the bishop of Coire. Koni went directly to his nanny. His nanny had known him from his first days. Had endured his special whimsical. Had helped him to become a knight. From the beginning it had not been so clear that he had the rudeness and loss of scrupels of a real knight. His father was dead. And his mother had lots of different loves and no time for him. And he was further unsure because being left handed, using his sword with his left hand. Was called a devil and had been forced to change the use of his hands. Go back to introduction