In San Francisco, after the assault

Ramon sighs and looks all around. We all are sitting in a circle round him. He coughs and begins:

And David says: "I heard you are staying at the Hilton in San Francisco. I'll come at once." "Yes take the next plane and a cab. I need you so urgently. I love you and long for you. Why did you leave me?" "Now you exclaim, that you need me urgently. But then you say the same to Koja, José, Nicos and now to a new one, I heard. I needed to get out of your overwhelming love. You just simply strangled me. Why can’t you make up your mind." I respond: "That's what you would like to. Like in a real 2 partners pair. Only you and me, and when I long for a break, somebody different, I am just stuck to you. No. Not for me. But..." and now he sighs, and I hear him weep on the other side of the phone: "You were and still are my first and longest love. Please forgive me my escapes and come to visit me." As always, David softens. I am so happy to have him. He says: "I'll take the first plane. I phone you when I arrive." I am so exhausted. It’s as if I just laid down there on the bed when the phone goes again. "David here, I'm at the airport in Massachusetts. In two hours I'll be in Fresco." "Yes, thank you.” But I panic. ”I can't get on my feet, I can’t fetch you at the airport. Please take the cab." He soothes me, I hear him whistle on the other side of the phone: "Don't worry, I'll find my way." I lay down the receiver, go to the toilet, get a shower. Limp back to bed.Lay down  and  I go asleep at once.

The dream

 And have a terrible nightmare.  Completely naked, without anything to protect my nice young fragile body, I am staying shivering on top of the pyramid in Tenochtitlan with a dark-skinned Aztec boy. It's certainly not cold. Rather very warm and wet weather. My hands and feet are bound together, with very expensive, but raw strings of lianes. And now I begin to pray for my life as they swash me with whips of twigs, also I jured never to be weak-minded. And the boy Techutitl is also completely naked, shivering like me, being thrushed by thorns. I pull myself together. I stop this whining. I remember. I came over from Spain as one of Hernandez  Cortez conquistadors. In Spain the inquisition considered I had not enough Christian faith. They put  me before the choice either to enroll with Cortez as a spy for the church or to be burnt alive. I choose for life. Rather be a spy then roost and be Gods roast lamb. And here in Mexico City, the first thing I do, I get crossed with the priests. No spying is possible. The black birds don't even want to speak to me any longer. As the others of our army raped the country's women and were good Christians, the first thing I did was to build up a friendship with an aztec boy, an offspring of the King's sister family, beautiful Techutitl, who has pitch-black eyes and long  black hair, a fine swung grazile and thin nose like a gazelle's head and a well formed, tight lipped mouth, is slender and dark-skinned. He is so cultivated! And knows such a lot about his forbears, about his culture.  He is a member of the Aztec aristocracy, but not yet rich having not yet inherited of his mother and is despised by his family because of his love of men. He writes beautiful poetry and sings to it with a sort of mandolin, the local music instrument.

Everybody looked with an evil eye on our friendship. They all had the same prejudices about one species love. The Spaniards understood maybe better, it arrived to some of them to have male friends, but always en cachette.
But what upset them was because I should not get involved with their prey. The Aztecs considered me as an enemy and are upset that I fraternized with the boy they treat like a pariah. A boy who does that what they blame the Matesques for, men-fucking, which is not accepted by the dubble wingged big snails.

But we really love each other. Never was I so happy in my life. I am of a high aristocratic familly from Leon, my father is a knight and was in the army of the reconquista. But he had not been able to adjust to the new  economic order after Columbus’ discovery of America. He had been the best knight of Ferdinand and Isabel, but when Charles V had taken over the reign, he was not considered enough disciplined. He had sunk down the social ladder, had begun to drink and got poor. He had a castle, somewhere in the north, near Oviedo, which I do not even know. But it was falling apieces, we were not living in there for decades and always away in the trail of the army. In order to subsist, I had to emigrate. I was one of the first foreign workers. And also for my sexual gusto, which they throwed on to the bad influence of my mother, a Moresque Jew my father took as prey of the war and raped and never married. Later on, he regretted his deed and adopted me, partly because I was so nice looking and so intelligent, but this was never liked by the clergy. Also very much  liked at the court of Ferdinand and Isabel, who admiered him becaused of his great historical knoledge, his his steadfastness my good father had had many enemies, especially the clergy, for whom he was a heretic and didn't pay him neither materialistic and sentimentable tribute. As soon as he was dead, murdered for jalousy by my oncle, the small brother of my mother, and my mother died of the heart,they gave me the choice either to be burnt as heretic too for my studies of the Jewish cabbala or to emigrate the the New World. I was too keen for the (male) beauties of this world to leave it so quickly and too clever not to accept. I thought that in the new world there would be a possibility to escape the forces of Cortez and to begin a new life. As in fact many other participants. Cortez liked me and was nice looking and loved to discuss whole nights with me. I was cynic and Cortez even more so. And Cortez toook a lininkg to me. We formed quite a wonderful peair of lovers. But the priest threw an evil eye on me. He didn’t like me at all. He realised that I was throbbing some thing like a stick beetwin there friendship. wshioch had niver been as understandig as was our. he was ugly, bald-headed and really stupid and considered me as his rival. Probably he hoped to get Cortez into the net of his church and I barred him the access to the poor sinner. He was thinking day and night of how to get me out of his way. And succeeded thanks to my light-heartedness and to the fact that I never took him serious as  my real enemy.

The priest caught me as I was making love with Techutitl. Below a tree barely outside the town. I had always been much impulsive, I had not wanted to wait till we were surely hidden, had wanted to do it just when I met him, in full day time. He was such a nice boy, had such a soft skin, such nice eyes. We walked hand in hand. Caressing each other in the inner hand. And then I could not endure any longer longing for him. I pressed him against the tree, put my lips upon his lips eager to repeat the pleasure of yesterday's evening Cortez had interrupted by passing along. It had been alright had not Fernandez, the priest, happened to pass just at this time. He just came from a woman he had raped. He was an ugly looking sort of overfed chap, with a protruding belly, hanging shoulders, an ugly nose, only two or three hairs left on his bald head. His teeth in his constantly cynically grinning mouth were sparse and of an ugly yellow. A foul smell of rotting indigested nourishment came out of his mouth. He was old and had a wrinkled skin and was tight lipped. He was so rotten he was completely impotent, only had a sexual pleasure when he saw and heard the victim have pains for hours on end. But this time he did not have the time The woman had been scared to death, she fell down with a collaps but cried before dying and all natives had had a run  at him and he had had to run away. He was too coward to defend himself. He was boiling with rage when he came upon us. He never had liked me as a free thinker and I always won about him at taroque. Now he realized that I had it again better than he, that the boy really loved me. From long foregone youth days it came up that that was a sin, these two male beings doing together what he had not been able to rape a female. And he realised also that Techutitl did it on his own free will and loved me. 

He made an uproar and some soldiers who were just passing had to bind us and bring us before Cortez while he constantly threw his arms up and cried imprecations towards us. The soldiers were decidedly embarrassed to have to walk besides such a bad smelling fool. I was liked by my comrades. Hernandez too was much embarrassed. I was of best aristocratic stock, the only interesting officer in his small troop of adventurers, and much intelligent. Several times he had saved me from the assaults of the priest, as I was always prone to expose myself. But the Aztecs had just made a uproar, wanting to get their Monteczuma back. And his soldiers, too,  were fed up with waiting for the moment to begin the pilferage of the locals to get money. This time he had no choice, he was standing with the back towards the wall, just about to loose everything he had gained. He needed the support of the church to quench the uproar in his own lines and he needed a scapegoat he could deliver to the Actecs to soften them. His troop was military speaking too weak to assume the complete conquest of this territory. He had to use a ruse. I meant nothing to him when his career was at stake and to satisfy the priests and the Aztecs, What about creating a small diversion, and these tow dreamers where just here in time,he delivered me and Technu to Monteczumas priests.  

We are now to be punished and sacrificed to the God Quetzalcoatal, to appease his anger, to have our hearts pulled out of our chests for his dinner. Monteczuma himself does not dislike me. But he too has the priests at his heals. All priests of all religion agree on one point. To eradicate us from the soil. In the bible its Sodom and Gomorrha or Absaloms head hanging by his hairs from a branch. It's out of a need to hide their own deeds.They take me and pin my ass  on the immense prick of the stone statue of a god with a face like an ape and a body like the strongest warrior, who is standing there. My body is completely penetrated, giving me shudders. But also an immense pleasure. In  trance  my body vibrates while the stone slides into me. Before the staring people, the most of them probably priests, I wriggle with my body. They tranquillize my mood putting me another prick of stone into my mouth. I lick at it like wild. Because I think they certainly want to push it into Techu. And if it is wet it will go nicer into it. This stone is so thick, hard and rough, it will certainly scorch him and pain him like hell. Perhaps if it is a bit wetter, it will slide easier into him. Seeing me exposing my pleasure, wriggling with my body and licking at the stone,  some of the priests laugh, shout something in Aztec. It must be some very ugly insult, because Techu gets red all over his lovely body. He is so young, has no experience as yet of how bad people can be when they think they have nothing to fear. All laugh and Techu is hoisted up, so far, that my mouth is between his thighs. Anyway, I have only some instants to live, I don't mind giving them a further possibility to laugh about me. I only want to help Techu, who was so lovely to me and who now has so much to suffer. They are so stupid. I lick with my tongue till I feel his moisture in my mouth. They laugh again watching me writhing with my body. But Techu too is writhing with his body. It's the only way to stand the pain. And when they turn him over, thrust his prick into my mouth, and push the terrible stone prick into his hind, it does not hurt him so much. But the blood is splashing all over me. And now I hear Techu crying, feel his tears dripping on me. But I too feel my warm blood between my thighs, as my body is pushed more and more into the prick of the stone statue. But I am in a hotly excited mood. They certainly doped us with this figs they gave us to eat before beginning with the ceremony. I nearly don't feel the pain, as one of the priest comes forward to me, cuts off my balls. But then it’s so hot between my thighs. Without further consideration that I am doing them a pleasure, I cry and shout Spanish invectives at them. As there is a full orchestra at work, shrill trumpets, bells, tambourines and long horns who sound as the cows mooing, it sounds like it would be a song with musical accompaniment. The Spanish soldiers watching

' clasp. But after another hour of this torture, which we do not feel completely thankful to our doping, two priest come in a ceremonial march towards us. They hold big curved knives.  They make a deep cut into mine and Techu’s breast. I can fully realize how my and Techu’s heart are pulled out of our breasts before I vanish. I cry.


 And I wake up. The soft arms of David are round my waist. I feel his hair on my cheeks as he kisses me. I am so happy. I cry. "O David. At last you are here. I am so happy. I dreamed of you and me in Mexico when they sacrificed us to Quatzalcoatl because we were gay. You a nice dark-skinned Aztec boy, Techu, I a stout white Spanish conquistador, stinking of onions." He laughs. He does not believe in my reincarnation theory. It's too theoretical for him. Jazz is what he needs and what he understands. I continue: "It was always like this. These straight ones pursue us because we are not like them. It was in the stone age, when I was caught but you could escape and were pursued ever after  and now in the 16th century." "Hush," he says" you should not talk so much. Come, I will undress and lay besides you." And soon I feel his warm body besides me, I caress his soft skin and feel his lips kissing my body and soon I am again fast asleep. Now I dream of me together with Techu on our first night we had together. Techu sits on my knees, I feel  him in me, we caress each other, we kiss and smudge. It's so nice. But in  the evening I awake, and we both are entangled. I'm  stiff and big. His back is directed towards me. I wake him up, sliding  into him, in and out, till I eject into him, all the time feeling his hands caressing my thighs and legs, my upper body, his tongue licking my shoulders. Then I turn and feel him in me and we both cry of pleasure.

I feel much better. We get up, dress. I know a good restaurant where we eat some very fine fish and drink some Chardonnay. To the coffee we try a very nice Californian brandy together with an ice cream. We look each other into our eyes. I press David’s palms. “Come,” he says, “I know a nice disco for gay people. Let’s go there.” I feel again like Hercules in a mood to carry the sky on my shoulders. I nod with my head. With my foot I caress his thighs, lean over the table, give him a kiss on his lips. By now, everybody is staring at us. Before the manager can join us and tell us to leave the local, I shout: “Please bring the invoice and call the taxi.” And we leave the local.

At the disco we dance tight each one to another. But out of the corners of my eyes, I suddenly recognize somebody I know. It’s Alec. He is dancing  with a long, fair guy, with a long ugly nose reaching from his eyes down to his chin and a slanting tight lipped mouth, wearing a tight leather dress, with tattoes on both cheeks and a SS cut into his tightly cut blond hair.  I try to take Alec by his hands, shout to him: “Alec, Alec, come to me.” But the punk does not like my behavior. He stands upright, just before me, staring at me. “What do you want?” "Leave my love alone, you pricked ass!” I shout, not listening to David who wants to keep me back. And my hand takes distance to give him a punch. But I am still weak. Before I could strike, I feel the Neonazy's iron clad hairy fist on my chin. I fall. Hear him laugh. He takes Alec to a far corner. I am completely upset,. But first David leads me or nearly carries me to the toilets. I lean over the seat and vomit, till my stomach sticks out of my mouth. And  now I am completely weak and ill. I want to leave. But David has just only come to life, has had some pints and begins to feel good, he wants to remain to have fun. I am in such a state I start a row with him. He is more sensible to rational thinking as I am, he  pulls me to the entrance and hails a cab and puts me into it.  As soon as I reach  my room I go again to the toilet, look into the mirror. I have a big wound on my chin, it's no longer bleeding as David dried it and tended to it. I put some Iodine on it and feel again dizzy. At once I want to lie on the bed. I am so tired, I can't get up and take a shower again as I wanted. And I am at once sleeping. This time it's a deep dreamless sleep. I awake at three in the morning  to soft caresses. I open my eyes, my heart leaps. It's Alec. I hug him with both my arms, pull his face down to me, give him a kiss. I pinch myself with my left hand into my right arm. I'm not dreaming. Alec is here, I feel his soft wide lips on my lips, his tongue comes deep into my mouth and encounters my tongue. I'm so happy. I push his head away, look thoroughly at his lovely face deep into his blue eyes and sigh: "You here, Alec, I am so happy to have you again. Come to me, between my sheets, I already feel me stiffening." I'm completely naked, sitting on the bed, and feel his soft skin as he is plying towards me. I kiss his shoulders, his belly, dive with my head to kiss his thighs. With his arms behind my neck he is hugging me, caressing my hair with the soft palms of his hands. He leans over my loins kissing my buttocks. 

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